Use the following scale:
1 = Seldom or never
3 = Half the time
5 = Almost always
Take this test by yourself, then discuss together as a family.
1. We look for the good instead of the bad in our family members and express appreciation once a day or more.
2. I feel our family is committed to riding out life’s storms together as well as to enjoying the beautiful times.
3. What happens in our family is more important than anything else-work, school, friends, relatives, church, etc.
4. We are able to openly and honestly communicate our concerns to each other without being negative and attacking.
5. We spend regular, unhurried time together, for no other reason than to enjoy each other’s company.
6. We reinforce instead of ridiculing other family members; complimenting them on their improvements and successes.
7. I feel certain my family is “shock proof” – nothing I might do would cause them to stop loving me.
8. Expressions of individuality and personal interests and ideas are permitted and encouraged in our family without damaging our family commitment together.
9. We avoid sex stereotypes in how we share responsibilities in our family and remain open to changing individual assignments.
10. Our family responds to individual or family crises by pulling together rather than being pulled apart.
11. We give family members the same or greater respect that we give a close friend or boss.
12. Sexual expression is healthy and satisfying in our marriage and reveals that sexuality is valued and controlled in our family.
13. My family makes me feel truly self-confident, worthwhile and happy.
14. In our family we go out of our way to help each other without being asked.
15. I feel good about how close we are as a family.
Allow each person to share his/her answer and give time for them to share why they answered the way that they did – do this without comment or criticism. Spouses should discuss #12 without the kids around. All marriages and families will have room-to-grow. Let grace rule the day!